Have you ever seen those people…they actually weird me out…that can be sitting at a restaurant table, and will suddenly get up to dance (stone-sober) because the music came on? Or those people that can go to a function like a picnic or pool party and actually have a good time (stone-sober), instead of just pretending to? You know those people I’m talking about…they’re, for lack of a better word, h-a-p-p-y. I just do not understand happy people at all.
I don’t want you to think I’m sad or negative in my normal state of existence. Quite the opposite actually…I’m little-miss-positive-sunshine-fun-loving-party-girl. But in my core, I never really feel that curious emotion of “happiness” that others mysteriously speak of. It’s not that I’m not “happy” with my life, because I am…incredibly so, but I think there are two kinds of happy; one being an emotion and one being a consensus. I have the latter down, but it just so happens that every-day-life is not enough excitement to trigger my emotional-happy-meter. Sorry, that’s just how I roll. It sounds terrible, I know. Her poor husband! Her poor children!
I’m sure it’s a chemical issue…probably some out-of-whack dopamine mixed with that squirrely serotonin that always seems to be giving me problems by being unavailable. I don’t know. What I do know, is that I have GOT to stop comparing the state of my mental health to that of the stone-sober-table-dancer because I’ll never win that way. I am simply not a table-dancer. I don’t have the moves! I’m lacking the rhythm! I don’t hear the same melody! I need tequila! Nothing about me is programmed for stone-sober-table-dancing, I’m admitting it to myself right here, and from now on, I vow to focus less on what I’m not, and more on what I am. A spiritual-gangster-world-changer.
“The minute you start comparing yourself to others, you forget that you’re doing exactly what it is you’re meant to be doing.”