I’ve found delegating to be a real key when it comes to happy wife, happy life. It took some training, but my husband and I have definitely found our groove when it comes to doing tasks that we are strong in, versus doing tasks that the “woman” or “man” typically does, but there definitely has to be an agreement in place, rather than just telling someone to do something. I can’t stand to do laundry or dishes (thank you sensory issues), and he can’t stand to do home improvements, so we switched tasks.
Unfortunately, I have absolutely zero executive-function skills, and most of the time, can’t even get my brain together enough to prioritize items to even get a to-do list started, so he moonlights as my get-your-shit-together coach, and works me through all of it, instead of belittling me. The key is having someone on your team that wants you to succeed instead of just reminding you how often you fail.